Ah, the adventure of house hunting! While scrolling through property listings, you might find yourself mesmerised by stunning photos and enticed by the descriptions. But hold on! Just as a place can look better with a well-angled shot, it can also sound more appealing thanks to a little wordplay. So, let’s decode some classic real estate phrases to see what they REALLY mean.
‘Renovator’s delight’ or ‘just needs a little TLC’
First up, we have the ever-popular ‘renovator’s delight’. Sounds promising, right? But this phrase usually means the property is barely liveable, perhaps requiring a hard hat and a strong stomach just to step inside. Envisage peeling paint, floors that could double as a trampoline, and a kitchen that looks like it was designed for a sitcom from the ’70s. It’s the real estate equivalent of saying, ‘It just needs a little love!’—which really translates to, ‘good luck with that!’.
Next on our list is any phrase with the words ‘tender loving care (TLC)’. A similar one to the ‘renovator’s delight’, this phrase sounds sweet and harmless, but it usually means the property is in desperate need of more than just a little pampering – so approach with caution.
‘Cosy’ or ‘modest proportions’
When you come across the term ‘cosy’ or ‘modest proportions’ you might be envisioning a warm, inviting space. However, it often translates to ‘so small you can barely swing a cat’—and trust me, you’ll want to consider the cat’s feelings here! Cosy spaces might give you that snug feeling, but they can also lead to some serious negotiations over personal space, especially if you’re living with someone else. If the listing mentions the above terms you might want to bring a tape measure along for your inspection.
‘Character-filled’ or ‘one-of-a-kind’ or ‘unique’
Now, let’s talk about these terms which are often used to describe a property that has a bit of personality. But beware! ‘Character’ can often mean ‘dated’, as in shagpile carpet and floral wallpaper that could trigger some serious nostalgia (or nightmares). If you’re looking for a home that screams ‘vintage chic’, this could be your jam. But if you’re hoping for something modern, you might want to steer clear unless you have a renovation budget the size of a small country.
Another one to look out for is ‘one of a kind’ or ‘unique’. These terms can often mean the owner is a creative soul who has channelled their efforts into the decor. Think magenta, chartreuse, polka dots and leopard print – all in the same room. Often nothing that can’t be fixed with a lot of white paint but just make sure their efforts did not move beyond easily fixed decor disasters to being a little too creative with the floorplan or structure of the place.
‘Centrally located’
Ah, the phrase ‘centrally located’. This one sounds promising, suggesting proximity to all the best spots. However, this often means the property is uncomfortably close to a shopping centre, freeway, a tram or train line, or some other source of noise pollution. Sure, you might be minutes away from the action, but if you value your peace and quiet, you might want to check exactly how centrally located it is before attending that inspection.
‘Up-and-coming neighbourhood’
This phrase conjures visions of hip cafes and artisan shops. However, it’s often a polite way of saying, ‘this area is a bit average’. You might find yourself living in a place that has potential, but it could also mean enduring factories, funky smells, or a local dive bar that hosts karaoke every Thursday night. If you’re the adventurous type, this could be right up your alley; if not, you might want to think about the pros and cons.
‘The backyard is your canvas’
Watch out for this one as it’s code for ‘there’s nothing but dirt or concrete back there’. Be ready for some backbreaking work and a few trips to the local nursery to turn a barren block into a verdant garden.
Navigating real estate agent descriptions can feel like trying to decode a secret language, and sometimes the language is more amusing than informative. Keep your sense of humour intact, ask plenty of questions, and be sure to trust your instincts. Happy house hunting!
If you’d like help and advice for your next steps, contact our team here.
